What to Do When Your Sex Drive is Higher Than Your Partner's (or Vice Versa)

Intimacy is one of the many ways we as humans develop, solidify and maintain interpersonal relationships. Today’s couples are placing more and more value on intimate compatibility, so it isn’t far-fetched to argue that it’s becoming somewhat of a cornerstone of the modern relationship model. Research has shown that an issue central to both women and men sex drive is feeling intimately connected to their partners in order to sustain a romantic relationship.

Misconceptions about sexual desire in couples often stem from societal depictions of men sex drive as being higher, or men being more sexually driven than women. The truth of the matter is, libido fluctuations can affect both men and women, and the various causes may not be as easy to identify. Although the stigma attached to the subject can make the discussion downright awkward, the effect it may have on the overall health of a relationship can be damaging if not properly addressed.

Noticeable differences in libido often affect partners in long-term relationships. In a relationship, when men sex drive overpowers women sex drive, it can be a little intimidating, and for some, it can be emotionally disconcerting. Changes in intimacy can bring about feelings of rejection, fear of undesirability or fear of underperformance. When these feelings are paired with misunderstanding the underlying causes of lessened desire and women and male sex drive concerns, dwelling on the intimacy levels experienced in the early stages of the relationship only intensify these psychological upsets. The first step to finding balance with your partner is developing an understanding of the possible causes.

Possible Causes

Libido and both women and men sex drive can be affected by a number of both psychological and environmental factors. The most common causes aside from those associated with aging or medical conditions are occupational stresses due to long hours or workload requirements, elevated stress due to conflicting work and family responsibilities and psychological conditions such as depression and other sexual desire disorders. One psychological publication even cited negative self-judgment as a leading cause of lessened desire.

How to Talk to Your Partner About It

Talking to your partner to try and understand their thoughts and views on the lack of intimacy may be one of the hardest but most beneficial ways to come to a compromise or develop a solution to the problem. Understanding and patience are two elements of resolving issues that psychologists say couples often forget to incorporate when having these types of discussions.

It is important to remember not to assign blame, or make your partner feel pressured, as doing so may only agitate the situation. Although it may not be the easiest problem to enlist professional help to resolve due to its private nature, if you find that you are unable to resolve the problem independently, talking to a licensed therapist may benefit both partners by having a professional assess the situation and offer informed solutions.

Possible Solutions to Unequal Women and Men Sex Drive

After the underlying causes of lessening desire have been identified, you may be ready to develop a solution to re-ignite the flames. A few suggestions on where to start are;

Stress Alleviation and Relaxation Techniques

If you find that the stresses of day-to-day responsibility are affecting the desire for intimacy, try to help ease some of those stresses by stimulating the senses with aromatherapy and sensual massage. These two techniques go hand and hand. Calming scents like lavender and eucalyptus help to relax the mind while sensual massage helps to relax the body and stimulate arousal.

Change of Scenery

At times overfamiliarity with an environment has the power to negatively affect desire for intimacy. Many women, especially those married mothers who spend most of their time in the home, associate home with responsibility and find it difficult to transition in and out of roles to accommodate men sex drive inequalities. A change of environment may be the perfect solution to help relieve tension and redirect focus on connecting with a partner. Planning a small escape every so often, whether to a local bed and breakfast or a trip abroad may prove to be beneficial.